How To Resolve Anything That Comes Up...

I'm sure you all have your own version of this. Here's mine...

HOW TO RESOLVE ANYTHING THAT COMES UP

AKA, what are those Damn Ability Scores for anyway?

NPCs and monsters can be bargained with, not just slain. They have bills and ex-wives too. Hired guards sometimes flee suddenly when smacked upside the head with a real flail that actually hurts. Go figure. Your enemies may pay your torch-bearer to stick his torch up your ass. When the Hell did Oddwick accidentally sell your spare chest with Blackrazor and The Necronomicon in it? Why is that weird jade monkey statue looking only at you? Did that tavern owner's potboy leave you fidgeting with an itch? Scratch scratch.

When situations like these happen or, more accurately, when they are about to happen, either you roll or the referee rolls (guess whose choice?) 2d6 and adjust the result by one of your PC's ability score modifiers, whichever one seems right for the situation.

This table is meant to quickly resolve any minor issues and avoid messing about with obscure situational rules you never recall and probably have to look up during play. It's not meant to be taken seriously, rather used as inspiration. This is just a game. If you decide that a ruling is noteworthy or valuable to your game play, try to stick with it again in the future to be consistent. No doubt because you're an old hat at it you already do this. Good, we're all on the same page, then? Keep calm and carry on with the slaughter ... er, fun.

GENERAL NEED TO RESOLVE SOMETHING TABLE

Roll 2d6 +/- Ability Score Modifier	Reaction
2 or less	Catastrophically bad. It attacks, hurts, steals, hates, maims, attempts to eat, uses its worst, or otherwise fucks you up. Seriously. No chance of negotiating or fixing. Hope you got a sharp sword.
3-5	Hostile or very bad. You're attacked or otherwise thwarted or hindered or harmed or cleverly made to look like a chump. Too bad for you. If you want to recover, get creative or make some really good rolls. Maybe get the ref a beer.
6-8	Cautious or uncertain. Make another offer cheapskate, negotiate more enthusiastically, ponder the situation some more, have a good dump, etc. Roll again if the referee feels generous. Ref, you had a beer lately?
9-11	Friendly or good. Things go your way, your offer is accepted, or the NPC dude is willing to comply/discuss/help you out. Otherwise, it (or he or she or whatever) thinks you rock on toast and likes your sexy smell and smarts.
12 or more	Enthusiastic or extremely good. Monster or NPC dude goes above and beyond to provide assistance or information you weren't expecting. You glean arcane or (virtually?) divine insight about something, whether real or imagined. Can you translate hieroglyphs into three languages without a Rosetta Stone? Easy peasy!